Well,we still have a few chapters in our book left. Let's plan on finishing this in a few weeks (I will post on the website). I am accepting suggestions for the next book. Some ideas: Rosalyn Carter has written a new book about caregivers, or I have heard good things about the book, Elder Rage. We can decide next month. Take care and stay safe. Spring is coming! fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 20:06] Ironically, when the mother is ultimately transitioned back into her own apartment and is able to resume friendships and clubs, she flourishes. She still needs care but she is able to renew connections that are essential to all of us.
fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 20:05] I think the theme of this story is important. Both the caregiver and the care receipient recipient need to have boundaries established. This personal time allows for escape and perspective. It also helps energize individual to come back to the relationship renewed. This is like any relationship right? Haven't we heard this for years about partners and spouses and even child rearing. It seems the same in caregiving. Even a 20 minute coffee break....with an old friend visiting the care receipient can offer respite. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:58] Next, I would like to talk about Carol (chapter 13). Carol is a caregiver for her mother. After her father's death, Carol's mother drifted from home to home (of children) and grew increasingly dependent on others. Not for care but rather she became quite emotionally dependent on others. She was unable to do things independently and was not spending time with her social circle. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:56] Diane's story really demonstrates what it can be like to come to the end of your emotional reserves. Paid caregivers would leave in tears from the verbal abuse and her husband would storm out. The aunt left little memory of the kind relationships that she had always fostered. But this is sometimes the reality of caregiving. If you have some thoughts on this experience, please feel free to post. This will be up for the rest of the week. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:53] Second, Diane's story also includes hospice. This was really a peace for both Diane, her husband and her husband's aunt. Her illness had come to this point. It is important to recognize that this is part of the dialogue. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:51] There are two other elements to Diane's story that I think are important (or rather they are important to me!). First, Diane's story does not have a tidy ending. It was long; it was a long care giving experience ~and I am sure the experience for her was uncomfortable and draining. This is pretty honest and true to life for most of us. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:49] Well, what are your resources? Call a friend. Reward yourself for each day that is completed~ treat it is as an achievement. How about spending a little time each week going through old pictures. These pictures might even include your care receipient. This might be something that you can share with them at a later time. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:45] SO how do we deal with this? How do we go into a situation everyday that we know is going to be hostile. We know that we are going to feel bad. We know that is going be unpredictiable. unpredictable fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:44] But pushing for that acknowledgment often comes at a price. The care receipient recipient is not in a position (often) to turn someone away. They don't always have control; this lack of autonomy can be so infuriating. That loss of independence can create emotions that make no sense; sometimes these emotions lash out and sometimes they are cruel. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:41] A very poignent poignant moment....and a moment that many of us feel at different times in our lives...was when Diane says..."to be treated like that" alluding to all the sacrifice and time spent devoted to their care. We all do feel that. With jobs, kids, siblings, friends, in our closest relationships. We want to be acknowledged for the actions that we do for love. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:39] Let's start with Diane. Diane was caregiving with her husband for her husband's aunt and uncle. This was a longterm relationship. This relationship had been very loving for her husband whole life. Unfortunately illness was hard on the aunt. She grew increasingly bitter and often lashed out on her caregivers. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:37] I would like to talk about 3 stories tonight: Diane (chapter 11), Carol (Chapter 13) and Emily (Chapter 16) fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:33] If you are logging in on this snowy night and you have not read the book~ no worries. This is anthology of stories, true stories, about caregiver experiences. Please feel free to contribute your own experience. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:31] Before we begin, a few announcements. PCSN will begin caregiver classes in the summer. We are inviting community members who are caregivers for two populations to these first round of classes. 1) Caregivers of persons with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease and 2) Caregivers of adults with intellectual disabilities. These classes will run several weeks, will be free of charge. Please contact us to reserve your spot (katharinefitzgerald@pittsburghcsn.org) fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:30] Next week we will have one of our normally scheduled chats with attorney Cathy Skidmore. fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 19:29] Hello! I feel like Pittsburgh has had 12 snow storms since the last chat. It is quite possible. Tonight is the second PCSN book group. These groups are a little different than our normal chats. We are reading books about caregiver experiences or are in some way related or helpful to the caregiving experience. If you have a book to suggest please do fitzgerald
[15 Feb : 18:38] Chat tonight at 7:30. This is the second part of our series of chats on Carolyn Bradley Bursack's book, "Minding our elders, caregivers share their personal stories"
